monster in progress! this is going to be a puppy. i’m thinking about putting spots on him. spotted dog…isn’t that some sort of british dessert? i’m going to put bunny ears on, but sideways and a little bit longer so they flop down. stitched on eyes, per request!

i’ve uploaded a set of pictures i took at my friend betty’s. she has a farm out on clump road. i forget the name of the town right now…silly brain not working. it’s not naceville, but it’s close to there. anyway, i got a few nice shots. betty’s awesome. she’s this wonderful old lady, in her eighties. she always has interesting stories to tell about her life on the farm and growing up. the house has been in her husband’s family for generations. he dropped out of school and went to work at a tile factory in order to save it from being repossessed. she married him over 60 years ago, and moved to the farm with him. they used to raise and slaughter their own chickens and cows. she was telling me yesterday about what it was like before the house had running water (!) and how they have a walk in fireplace that used to be where they smoked their meats to preserve it. she’s so energetic and with it, i hope that i can be the same when i’m her age.

i’ve uploaded a new set of images to flickr. it’s from the day i spent wandering around the area i grew up. most of them are from the family home my sister works at, but some are from morwood park.

i’ve finally gotten around to uploading pictures from lunch on mother’s day. we went to a kinda crappy restaurant in perkasie (the C&C cafe), but the french toast ended up being really good. in some of the shots you can see the striped green awning reflected in the melted butter. i love the new camera!

things are going ok. i’m feeling good some of the time, and “meh” the rest of it. it seems like for a while after i wake up i feel normal, and then it slowly creeps back. if i find something to distract myself i can go for quite a while without feeling anything odd in my throat, so i’m pretty sure the doc was right with the anxiety thing. i don’t think it was a coincidence that this happened around mother’s day weekend. i guess i have some stuff to deal with that i wasn’t consciously aware of. one day at a time, right? i’m off to watch smallville now, maybe if someone takes their shirt off it will distract me….

all is well, sort of. i’ve just gone a bit off my nut. the whole throat swelling thing isn’t actually happening. it’s all psychsomatic from anxiety. i think i would have preferred some sort of upper respiratory infection. and what did my doctor tell me to do about it? absolutely nothing. he hopes that his reassurance that there is nothing physically wrong with me will be enough to make it go away. thanks for nothing doc! i still feel like i’m choking!

the last few days have been…well, i can’t think of a better word than crappy. i spent monday night and tuesday in first the ER, and then the hospital. For the past few days (maybe mid-week last week?) i’ve been feeling as if my throat is swollen and closing up. i have allergies, and have had problems with asthma in the past. this didn’t feel like anything i’ve experienced before. it got so bad monday night that i had jon call mom and she took us to the ER (jon can’t drive). when we got there it was slammed. i have never seen the place so busy. luckily not being able to breath gets you right to the front of the line. i got in and was seen by a nurse almost right away, she pulled some blood and got that started. when i finally got to see a doctor (45 minutes maybe?) he didn’t even look at my throat. one of my heart enzymes was elevated, and he thought i might be having problems with my heart or lungs, and that was making me feel like my throat was closing up. i also told them i felt like i was panicking from not being able to breathe and that was making it worse, so they gave me atavan (sp?). it calmed me down, but my throat still felt tight and swollen (which no one apparently cared about, they were certain the problem was not my throat). i had a cat scan to check for a possible blood clot in my lungs, but there was nothing there. after the cat scan they admitted me to the cardiology ward. the next day they set me up for chest x-rays, and a stress test with ultrasound of my heart. what do you know, everything was fine.

now, after being in the hospital for nearly two days, and breathing the cool, filtered, air-conditioned air my throat was almost back to normal. i did see an allergist for about 30 seconds before they did the stress test (which also was perfectly normal), and he said he wanted me to get a PFT, who the fuck knows what that is? they didn’t do it in the hospital because i got discharged about two hours after the stress test. i don’t even know the allergists name. now here i am at home and my throat is swelling up again. i called my family doctor, and they finally realized that yes, i do need to be seen, and yes it’s important enough for an emergency slot (i had tried to get in on monday, but i didn’t have a fever or a sore throat so they wouldn’t give me an appointment until thursday morning). i’m going in at 4:15, and this doctor had better damn well check my throat! i don’t have insurance, so all these medical bills are really not cool. i’m applying for medical assistance, and i had better be approved, because we’re talking thousands of dollars in medical costs here.

meanwhile, jon has been working on cleaning up around here in the hopes that it helps my allergies. he cleaned the filters on the air conditioners, and used vinegar on the mold growing on the bathroom ceiling. i’m going to talk to the landlord about that. she’s told us to just clean it off, but i doubt it’s only on the surface, and mold is one of the many things i’m allergic to. i’m also not taking advil for my shoulder anymore. i have bursitis and haven’t really been able to do anything, and the advil was helping with it. today i just noticed a tiny little label on the front of the bottle saying there were new warnings on the label. i checked them, and what do you know, ibuprofen can now cause allergic reactions including facial swelling and asthma attacks! i’ve been taking the stuff almost non-stop for the past week to help with my shoulder. i don’t know if it’s what caused my throat issues, but i’m sure as hell not taking anymore. we’ll see what the doctor has to say about it. i’ll post later with an update.

i think some of my best childhood memories are from when i was over at aunt linda’s. she lived so far out in the country. just going for a drive to aunt linda’s was a treat because of all the gorgeous scenery on the way. there were so many old farms, the barns still had their traditional pennsylvania dutch artwork on their weathered red. you could see horses, cows, sheep, and sometimes even foxes and hawks. it was such a magical place to go. once you got there it was like visiting wonderland. there were little stone creatures peeking out around corners, hiding in cool places where toads could catch a bit of shade. all of the flowers were thoughtfully aranged, providing new views with each season. i can’t wait for fall to see the leaves. they drive aunt linda crazy (all that raking!) but i think they’re beautiful. i hope you like the results aunt linda, please comment with the names of flowers if you can.

fletcher is just so exited to see you! can you see the anxiety in his little dog face? this little guy used to pee all over the place when i would pet him. he’s still pretty excitable :)

new photo set up at flickr : at work